Subscribe to and Make Mark Zuckerberg Weep!

Good morning, readers!

This is a picture of me and a “celebrity double” stand-in for Mark Zuckerberg, famous Harvard drop-out and life bane of Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss of South Hampton, New York.  Despite their comical surname, the Winklevoss twins (when translated from German to English, Winklevoss means “Winklevoss”) have wealth and power that my brother John and I can only dream of…

Till now.

I’ve hit upon a scheme that will allow the Thornton twins to insinuate themselves like parasitic worms into the techno bowels of Facebook, whereupon we shall slowly munch and suck and slurp away at this massive money-siphoning scheme one red blood corpuscle at a time!  Eventually, all that’s left of it will be a pale-to-the-point-of-lead-poisoned Facebook Redux made up entirely of our waste byproducts!

At this point, all the new social networking action will be taking place here, at, a wholely owned subsidiary of Jim Thornton Global Enterprises Amalgamated Holding Company, LLC, (NASDAQ symbol: JTGEAHCLLC) with the majority shareholders being me, my brother, and Liam White with, we hope, a few outstanding warrants of preferred stock still held by the Winklevoss twins in exchange for the several million in seed money we remain confident they will provide.

The details of the “digest and reconstitute Facebook under new ownership” scheme are still being worked out, but here in a nutshell is the basic idea as outlined in a stream of consciousness posting on Facebook this very morning!  (Do not worry: the last place Mr. Zuckerberg is likely to look for his fiscal assassin is within the confines of his own house!)

But to pull this caper off, the still-neonatal web site needs to achieve a critical mass of dedicated visitors, whose increasing numbers—like wooden ducks floating in a pond—will serve to attract even more Internet migrants into stopping by and spending a few moments in the relaxing and safe-looking waters of my blog!

And to do this, we must get more and more subscribers!  A few quick notes to remove all anxiety from this process:

Subscribing is free.

Subscribing does not obligate you to read my blog!  Most of my subscribers don’t—why should you be any different?

Subscribing doesn’t harm you in any conceivable way.

All it does is make it easier for you to discover—if you want to!—that a new blog posting is ready for your viewing and/or listening pleasure (once the Thornton Twins Podcast starts.)   Subscribing is not intrusive!  It is, in fact, unobstrusive!

Against this backdrop, I will now admit that I myself didn’t actually know how to subscribe, what subscribing entails, or anything, for that matter, related to Internet subscriptions.  So I did a little research.

The possibly easiest way to subscribe:

Collected Odventures: the Portable James Thornton

Click on the little orange RSS icon at the top of the page here.  It looks like this but is smaller.  With luck, everything else will then happen automatically for you!

If luck eludes you, and/or you would like to know a little more about subscribing to different web sites and news sources (though I strongly urge you to only subscribe to—the rest of the stuff out there is really kind of frightening and not wholesome), then watch this short YouTube movie.  It’s pretty good at explaining the basics.

RSS explained for simpletons

For those who want to get a “reader” and don’t already have a gmail account, here are links to some good possibilities for PCs and Windows.  I think most will work on your smartphone, too, so when you are driving on the speedway and not allowed to text because of state laws, you can always surf my site on straightaways!

Top News readers for Windows

Top News readers for Macs

So: sign up today!

Don’t do it because you like me and my brother, John Thornton, founder of the Rusty Scupperton Network on YouTube.

Don’t do it because you want to help Liam, tween genius, achieve his parents’ vicarious dream of him attending college one day (personally, I think Liam’s interests would be much better served if he quit the seventh grade this afternoon and came to work as a permanent intern/Chief Technology Officer at

Don’t do it because you feel sympathy to the ex-Olympic-rowing Winklevoss twins and all the other identical twins out there who are forced to toil away as highly successful investment bankers because their ideas were stolen by smarter people and all they got from a lawsuit was $140 million.

Do do it because you would really like to see a freshly skinned and repentent Mark Zuckerberg ready to hang by his tail in very close proximity to my salivating maw!


Not this:

3 thoughts on “Subscribe to and Make Mark Zuckerberg Weep!

  1. I clicked the orange RSS icon to subscribe and selected “Active Bookmarks” as my subscription method. This puts Jim’s site into Firefox’s Bookmarks toolbar. Then, I displayed the Bookmarks toolbar though the Firefox Options menu. Result: Jim’s site is now prominently displayed in my browser window, with his latest ruminations and pictures of skinned varmints available with a click.

    1. You are so kind! Would you be willing to drive around the country and show my various would-be subscribers how to do this in person? I seem to be attracting a lot of techno fuddy duddies whose knowledge of the computers is only a little better than mine, which is to say, not terribly advanced.

  2. This comment is for my good friend Robin “Bobinator” Walker. Here is the set of 50s you asked for. You can do your own warm up and cool down: the main set in the middle is what you want.

    Warm up: swim kick pull on your own for about 15 minutes.

    Heart accelerating set: 8 x 100 or 75 on 1:30 (just a tad bit faster than you want to go)

    Main set (in homage to Jocelyn and with thanks to Jennifer Michaels, masters coach at Pitt, who invented this):

    5 sets of 8 x 50 on 1:15, EZ on the odds; fast on the evens; with regrouping between each set

    1.the fast ones are your 200 pace +2 seconds (for example: 32s if your 200 time is 2:00)

    2.the fast ones are your 200 pace +1 seconds (for example: 31s if your 200 time is 2:00)

    3.the fast ones are your 200 pace +0 seconds (for example: 30s if your 200 time is 2:00)

    4.the fact ones are your 200 pace -1 seconds (for example: 29s if your 200 time is 2:00)

    5.the fast ones are your 200 pace -2 seconds (for example: 28s if your 200 time is 2:00)

    recovery set: swim easy for 5 minutes

    Kick set: 16 x 25 relay style accelerate to sprint on evens

    Cool down: swim easy for 5 minutes

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